“How are you?” It should have been an easy enough question to answer. Most of the time people throw out a quick, “I’m fine, and you,” and they’re off again before the answer was even given. It had become almost another way of saying ‘hello,’ but as he looked up from his coffee and in to Rachel’s eye, he could tell she really meant it. She was genuinely curious despite everything that she had going on in her own life at the moment, and how much distance had been put between them over the years; the concern was genuine. Knowing that somehow made it a harder question to answer. He could lie and say he was ‘doing good, considering’ or maybe tossing out one of those general sayings like ‘I’m hanging in there,’ would be a better way to go. Then again there was always the truth…that is if he could even figure out what that was.
“Some moments are better than others,” he finally settled on. Generic, but not a lie. Despite everything, he felt like he owed Rachel that much. “None of it all that good, but I’m trying.” Picking up his cup of coffee, he took a slow slip as he heard her ask about Michelle. He expected it to come, and after she’d seen him break down the other day, she’d already seen him at his most vulnerable. As he sat the cup back down on the table, holding it in both his hands like he needed the warmth, he couldn’t take his eyes off the dark liquid. Another look in Rachel’s deep and caring eyes would crumble the resolve he was working so hard to keep in place. “No change.” Finn cleared his throat to get better control over his voice that threatened to crack. “They don’t even tell me that there’s good signs anymore. Some of the nurses can’t even look me in the eye when they’re in her room.”
Finally looking up from his coffee, he chanced a look over at the brunette sitting with him again. “I don’t think…I’m really scared that she’s not going to get better.” Admitting it out loud was hard, but keeping that fear to himself and carrying it around was becoming impossible. It was too much and even though it made him feel week, he had to share it with someone. “Are you ever scared….being in here.” Finn glanced around at the glaring white walls of the hospital cafeteria and back to Rachel again. “Do you ever wonder what’ll happen if…” He let his voice trail off as no matter how much he wondered it in his mind, saying the worst case scenario, actually putting it in words, wasn’t something he could do yet.