Hearing Rachel start and stop again, never fully committing to one thought for long enough to finish it, Finn wanted to tell her it was okay. He wanted to reach out to her as he saw her sliding her chair back and stop her. He wanted to lay out everything he was feeling like an open book and let her know it all no matter how bad the final picture it painted was. Finn wanted to trust her like he used to. He wanted her to be able to look at him and see exactly who he was buried beneath everything, and he wanted to be able to do the same to her. What he wanted, and what he did were two different things. The person he was fell short of the person he wanted to be as he watched her get up from her seat as he stayed frozen in his. It was the second time she’d walked away from him, but this time he couldn’t make himself watch. Just like the time before, he was sure he didn’t have enough to offer her to ask her to stay. That right wasn’t his anymore. Finn sat in his chair at the back table of the cafeteria staring at Rachel’s abandoned coffee cup for close to an hour. It wasn’t until one of the workers came to tell him they needed to clean for the dinner crowd that he finally made himself get up.
Feeling guilty for how much he wanted to reach out to Rachel, Finn stayed by Michelle’s bedside non-stop, not that it mattered much to his girlfriend. There was no change in her condition, and for the first time since the accident, a doctor sat him down and started talking about the options available. Apparently wait and see was no longer one of them. He’d known this time was coming, he’d sensed it was, and yet it managed to still feel like he was blindsided by it. Looking away from the doctor and over and Michelle, he kept his eyes focused on her like she would give him some sort of sign to prove that they were all wrong. “She could still wake up,” he kept his voice low, just above a whisper like she would be able to hear him and his lack of confidence if he didn’t. 'Mr. Hudson, The chances of that are extremely unlikely, as I've said …' His voice continued on, but Finn wasn’t listening to it. He’d heard the facts and figured before, and didn’t need to hear them again. 'Have a nurse page me if you have anything further you wish to discuss.' Finn didn’t bother to look over to know the way the doctor was looking at him as he made his exit. The day he’d been afraid to even mention as a possibility was here now whether he liked it or not.
Long after visiting hours were over, Finn still sat by Michelle’s bed trying to figure out where he was supposed to go from here. He sat alone in the hospital room, the lights dim and the only sounds coming from the machines that she was hooked up to. All evening long he’d been turning people away when they’d reached out to him. He’d told them he just wanted to be alone, but that was the last thing he wanted. He was terrified of being alone, and as he looked into the future, now that was all he could see. Pushing himself up from his chair, he walked out of her room, wiping the tears from his eyes. Hospitals in the middle of the night were even creepier than they were during the day, but somehow it was fitting. He hadn’t known where he was even going until he’d gotten there.
Standing outside of Rachel’s room, he hesitated as he reached for the door knob. They hadn’t spoken since that afternoon in the cafeteria. The daily coffee trips to the cafeteria to try and see her had stopped, and yet here he was. He needed someone to talk to, someone who could actually talk back. Fair or not, he needed her. Pushing open the heavy door, he was well aware that this was the first time he’d seen her in her hospital bed. She looked small and so still…too still. He was overwhelmed by the quiet of the room and how it matched the one he’d just left. “Rachel…” he said softly to wake her without startling her too much as he reached out for her hand. He needed to feel someone who could squeeze his hand back, and remind him that even for a moment, he wasn’t alone.