Finn had been holding it together by a thread all week. The bad news kept piling up until the last bit of hope was finally squashed. Michelle wouldn’t be waking up. It was an idea he never wanted to have to think about, and now it was here. It was unavoidable now and demanding to be dealt with. He didn’t know how to do this. Saying goodbye in such a permanent way. Goodbye to the life they’d planned, to all the dreams they’d shared, goodbye to the person she was and who she would never get to be. And still when faced with all of that, he hadn’t let himself fall apart. He was nothing if not stubborn, but everyone had their breaking point, and that night in Rachel’s hospital bed, Finn had reached his. The tears flowed freely as he held onto her hand in his. He’d never left more vulnerable then he had right then, but he knew he was safe with her. Years had passed between them, and even with so many things left unsaid between them the other day, he trusted her with everything. Hearing her say it was going to be fine, he shook his head wishing that he could believe her. He wanted that. He wanted for her words to be right, but he could feel that it wouldn’t be. Everything in his life would be different from now on, and it was terrifying.
As she continued to talk and try and reassure him, promising that she’d be there, he squeezed her hand tighter, not wanting to let her go. He felt her move to sit up, and her other hand soon joining his. “But you’re in here, Rach,” his voice was scratchy from crying. Finally lifting his head up, he met her eyes wanting to believe her promise to him, but he’d been burned by having that hope. Rachel had a whole other life that she’d made for herself. While he’d built one here in Lima with Michelle, Rachel had New York and Broadway, and then there was the thing that scared him most of all. “You’re here in the hospital, and I…I couldn’t take it if I lost you too.”
Taking one hand off of hers, he reached it up to brush against her cheek as he kept his eyes on hers. He was no longer trying to hide how scared he was and how alone he felt from her. It was out there in the open now, and he couldn’t take it back. All of the worries and doubts he’d been struggling with, the guilt and self pity, the heartbreak and despair, it as all there and no longer hiding behind the lie of being ‘fine.’ Finn had thought a lot about the talk they’d had over coffee and what Rachel had admitted to him. He felt so guilty thinking about it, but it wouldn’t leave his mind. He kept replaying it over and over again, and he could never figure out what to do with it. He still wasn’t sure, but he knew that he felt drawn to her, and when he was around her, he felt like himself again. “I don’t know what to do.” The statement pertained to so much in his life right now. He wanted someone to be able to put all the pieces together somehow for him, but it was an impossible task. “They want me to take her off life support.” Finn swallowed hard as admitting it out loud added a level of realness to it. Letting his hand fall from her cheek, he wiped the back of it across his eyes to clean away the tears. “She’s not coming back.”